Last night I had a surprise visit from the pain consultant, who wasn't supposed to be coming until Monday. He was such a nice guy and came and had a chat with us for a long time, gaining a really thorough understanding of what has been going on.
But it wasn't the best news, he said unfortunately my pain is so complex that it is going to be very hard to treat. That at times it will have to be mind over matter because the pain will just be too severe for painkillers. He apologised and said he wished he could instantly do more. But also told me and the nurses to not be afraid of having more Morphine, if that is was gives a a break from the pain. He has doubled the strength of my BuTrans patch, but that takes time to work.
I burst into tears, I thought he was going to come with answers, but that wasn't the case. He is going to come back on Sunday/Monday to see how I am getting on. I think he wants to see if the higher dose patch helps before trying different things.
I am also really struggling with sickness, green acid from my stomach is all it is because I don't have any thing else in my stomach, but its horrible and wearing me down like everything else.
My cannula's are lasting about a day and that is just getting ridiculous. The lady who came and put the last one in told us we should talk to the Doctor about having a line put in, because it's not fair on me, especially when I am in so much pain already.
Yesterday I slept through the night and also slept six hours in the afternoon, the pain is just so exhausting. I am getting quite fed up of it all now. I try to stay brave because there really is no other option, but sometimes I just need a moment to say I am no okay and this is really hard!
Thanks everyone,
Chloe xxx
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